


Where The Sidewalk Ends

by dodger_sister



Category: Fake News RPF
Genre: Alternate Canon, Alternate Reality, Angst, Apocalypse, Drama, Ficlet, Gen, Zombie Apocalypse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-18 07:22:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28863246
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dodger_sister/pseuds/dodger_sister
Summary: Jon can’t believe he’s aired his last show. He can’t believe those were his last words. He can’t believe he is in a bunker during the actual zombie apocalypse.
Kudos: 5





	Where The Sidewalk Ends

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Baylor](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baylor/gifts).



> Written in 2011.  
> The Daily Show & The Colbert Report.  
> Beta'd by the incomparable [liptonrm](https://archiveofourown.org/users/liptonrm)

Jon couldn’t believe he was actually here, holed up in the ground like this. He had laughed at Stephen when he had started building the bunker, told him he was spending too much time watching Beck rattle off about the state of the world.

“You laugh now,” Stephen had said, “but you’ll be grateful when the mutant babies start attacking.”

“Mutant babies?” Jon had asked him, one eyebrow quirked.

They had been drinking and Stephen hadn’t answered, just poured them each another shot of whiskey. Though when the time had come, Stephen had been right there with safe passage for them all.

“We shouldn’t even be here,” Aasif had told them as the doors closed, sealing them inside, sealing them _off_ for good.

Those were the only words Aasif had said since they had left the rendezvous point without Jason and Sam and their kids in tow. Jon had waited for them as long as he could, but eventually he had to think of the others. 

Aasif had screamed at them not to leave. “They have kids, for Christ’s sake!”

Riggle had been there and Jon was grateful as the bigger man forcefully put Aasif in the van.

“I’ll find them,” Rob had told Aasif as he slid the van door shut on them. “I’ll find them, I promise.”

They all knew it was a lie. If Jason and his family were still alive, they’d have been there already.

Jon had asked Rob to come with them one last time, but he wasn’t the least bit surprised when the man refused. His unit was waiting for him and he was a Marine to the last day.

Jon supposed that’s what it was out there – The Last Day.

He was grateful for the safety of his own wife and children – the kids asleep on the other side of the room, curled up together on an old couch that Jon was pretty sure used to be in the green room at the studio, his wife in one of the back rooms washing zombie guts out of Olivia Munn’s hair.

The Daily Show had been on vacation the week it happened. His wife liked to joke that every time they went off the air, something major happened in the world. Jon had argued with her that something major was _always_ happening in the world – though secretly he thought it was possible they may be jinxed.

It was hard now for him to believe that he had done his last show. That his last guest had been a Senator from Virginia who thought the government should ban using food stamps to buy junk food of any kind. That his last segment was Wyatt doing a piece on a man who was fighting with his city council for the right to have a pet cemetery in his front yard. That his last Moment of Zen was a clip of the talking heads at Fox News going on about the government’s secret biological warfare program that, as it turns out, was not as crazy as Jon had originally thought.

That his last words to his viewers were, “We’re on vacation next week. See ya’ll soon. Have a good one.”

Stephen plopped down in the seat beside him. “You doing okay, brother?” he asked and slung an arm around Jon’s shoulder.

“Not really,” Jon said and looked up to meet Stephen’s eyes. “I feel like we should be doing something.”

“Not getting our faces eaten by the ravaging zombies is a good start,” Stephen said. “Why? Did you have something else in mind?”

“You wouldn’t happen to have a way to broadcast from down here, would you? It’s what we’re good at,” and Jon smirked at his friend, though it came out more forced than he would have liked.

Stephen leaned forward, pressed their foreheads together, one hand coming up to thread through the hairs at the base of Jon’s neck. “I thought you’d never ask.”

The Daily Report went on the air an hour later.

The End

**Author's Note:**

> I have been in a writing lull, too sick to really produce anything. Though all of the time spent laying around in bed, I have come up with lots of cracked out ideas. _Lots_ of cracked out ideas. And somehow, _this_ is the one I chose to write. I have now written _two_ fics in the Comedy Central RPS fandom - (still not sure that is even a fandom). That is more fics than I have written in “Ed” or “Glee”. It is as many fics as I have written in “Harry Potter” and “Kyle XY”. If I’m not careful, it’ll become a full-blown fandom for me. At any rate, it is Halloween, so I thought a little zombie-fic would be appropriate - though, when _isn’t_ a zombie-fic appropriate? And in my household, we have a pact that the second we hear Jon Stewart say the word _zombie_ , even jokingly, we are packing up and head north.  
> For Baylor, because she spent 20 years of her life studying zombies – it’s her life’s work. And she only believes things she hears Jon Stewart say. On a side note, Happy Halloween to my Flist! Have some brains!


End file.
